Bright Hawks

by Jess Harkness

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1.
with you, i don't have to choose between loving and losing i'm allowed to have it all
2.
Piggyback 03:10
i could spend my whole life in your passenger seat when you get tired, i'll drive i'll be whatever you need you're a stone on a roll i am moss in the stream now wherever you go i pray you might stay a while and gather me i don't need to dissect that dream i know exactly what it means you say i've got a face that always betrays me i know exactly what you mean - i'd be content to piggyback your plans forever what will our families say when we buy land upstate you'll teach me everything you know about carpentry and i'll knit you sweaters when it snows i'm a simple man, i don't need much but my two hands and some honest work to do they'll think we've lost it they won't understand the people in the woods tattooing their own hands
3.
Anything 02:22
think i was supposed to be a bird but some wires got crossed i wanna sing like a loon and soar like an albatross and go anywhere i want perhaps i was supposed to be a fish but the gills wouldn't stick around i see myself moving downstream through the veins of prince william sound and i would swim so far flash a fin in the air wherever you are anything but this body that i'm in oh, to be anything but this body that i'm in
4.
if i sing to you, then who's singing to me? could i be held, must i always be holding? - i don't feel wanted by the road on which i drive as i try to meet you where you ... right where you said you'd be would you go this length for me? i try to meet you where you are but it's too far from here it's always funny to me the path to him is a one-way street that i drive to meet you where you ... where you led me to believe for once i'd find you waiting for me i try to meet you where you are but it's too far so i've been spinning i love the way you look in double vision as you are and as you were even halloween, it hasn't felt the same i can't remember the last time somebody else painted my face now all my neighbors are strangers in canisters and cages is emptiness contagious? i've grown to love this time of night no one but my myself and i try to meet you where you ... right where you said you'd be and there's no one here but me i tried to meet you where you are but it's too far so i've been spinning i love the way you look in double vision as you are and as you were even halloween, it hasn't felt the same i can't remember the last time somebody else painted my face now all my neighbors are strangers in canisters and cages is emptiness contagious? - i can't remember why i was a deer in headlights you can't remember why you went our for a drive i can't remember why i let you read my spine you can't remember why you wanted all my time
5.
said he loved me like a rock yet he skipped me like a stone now i'm walking down the railway and i'm walking on my own it was only two years ago he came into my life and i had no prospects of my own he said, please be my wife my mama told me you're a fool if you deny good god, you must believe me, but at first i really tried did the cooking, did the cleaning thought i made a lovely bride but every time i left the house you bet your ass i'd hear about how my old man was running around said he loved me like a rock yet he skipped me like a stone now i'm sleeping in a train car and i'm sleeping all alone you know how he made me feel like i can't believe a word that i'm hearing with my own ears i can't take the lonely nights he had the nerve to come home late, smelling like her and sleeping by my side so last evening, i was ready stayed awake, rehearsed my lines some odd hour of the morn' i hear him shuffling inside and though i tried to say my piece he didn't have the decency to look me in the eyes so imagine his surprise when i revealed a paring knife and i maybe, accidentally, glanced him in the side 5 or 10 or 30 some odd times i dragged him to the river running high said he loved me like a rock but he couldn't leave well enough alone i'm already three towns over and he's sinking like a stone
6.
you hate the beach but i find a way to make it work 'cuz i'm down for anything your inoffensive best good girl makes peace again i find it so embarrassing and i think you made a point to only call when i was asleep so i had to wake up to your name staring at me call that a rude awakening now i'm not the same i barely say a single word that i don't mean i'm uncomfortably sincere, or i don't speak you find it so off-putting but i tried to plant a poem that said i hate you but it bloomed into a thousand black-eyed susan's it's a battle i am constantly losing it's a contest i don't think i care to win so i hesitate to bring it up at all, for my own sake i am not proud of the way that i behaved those days carved out a piece of me i'm grateful it's too late to go back now, all i crave is change the bright hawks in the sky, they pay no mind to yesterday i'm taking notes and learning how to see it all from space but i tried to plant a poem that said i hate you but it bloomed into a thousand black-eyed susans it's a battle i am constantly losing it's a contest i don't think i care to win
7.
i'm working on patience i'm working on kindness i do it for you any time your highness queen of my heart it can get so lonely in this brave new anthropocene but i look out for you and you look out for me queen of my heart some people shut everyone out but not you you're always waving me through on the house i cherish so fondly every late afternoon i wait for you to tire of me but you never do when my headaches get stronger i remind myself nothing matters i don't care to contribute i just wanna be near you queen of my heart some people make me beg like a stray but not you you're always clearing a place for me to stay - in the museum of your childhood room i'm happy just to sit and talk with you i'd buy a ticket at a window if i had to and i'd do it a thousand times go broke and cut all my ties it'd probably be just fine but you'd never ask me to you always let me through and it's love because you'd never ask me to love because you always let me through how could i ever run away from a world with you in it? i'll learn to be patient i'll learn to be kind it's love because you'd never want me to love because you'd never ask me to i'll learn to be patient and i'll learn to be kind if it means i can know you for the rest of my life
8.
Fledge 02:58
the more i know the less i understand you're smiling you tell me you've made other plans but who would i be if i held a fledging bird down on the ground with me? i selfishly want you to stick around i selfishly don't want the world to find what i've found but who would i be if i kept you swimming in the rising tide with me?
9.
Bloody Mary 03:10
i've spent half my life asleep and the other half in daydreams i don't even trust my memories i don't believe i knew you at all at all where i once carved my name in concrete now i'm a stranger in my hometown think i made you play bloody mary you call me creepy but you don't back down i'll keep you around now if i call your name three times into my mirror will you reappear? i'm not entirely convinced that you were ever really here can i believe a gift once given has been given forever? regardless where the pieces fall, regardless how it ends with the giver? regardless where they fall now if i call your name three times into my mirror will you reappear? i'm not entirely convinced that you were ever really here
10.
The Ache 04:06
can i forgive you even if you're not sorry? even if you rarely think of me at all what's meant to be they say will find you but what's not is going to sniff you out the same and who can name the beasts that lie in wait in the undergrowth along each road that we did not take? - i guess we'll never know still i wait with baited breath though i feel it in my bones there's simply nothing left to tether us together to keep me in line last night i wrote a song i think you would enjoy i kept it to myself i couldn't see the point in bearing all my secrets to be met with your silence and had i seen the ending before it was behind me would you have turned to face me? could i have kept you leaving? but i'm cursed to find the right words a thousand years too late it's gone, it is lost and i will always feel the ache it's gone, it is lost, you will never be replaced
11.
Don't Try It 01:37
the pages have been turned the bridges have been burned my family saw the flames from the shore so how would i explain if i'm going back again? we'll never be the same as before nothing new is gonna grow here the seaside makes for unforgiving soil and if i keep digging my spade here i'll be looking at a life of fruitless toil autumn's turned her back and winter has no tact or concern for keeping me alive when summer saunters in i'll resist the temptation to call you up and talk until we're tired nothing new is gonna grow here the seaside makes for rough and wailing winds but i am married to the ocean i'm devoted to her depth and her indifference so i believe in your capacity to make somebody else happy but please don't try it out on me
12.
Always 04:55
i have these lovely dreams of people who treated me very poorly i ask her what it means and she's kind enough to offer me a reading she pulls a card of death and says, it's probably just symbolic but when it comes to me, it's literal when it comes to me, it's diagnostic i am my father's son so my first reaction is often to choose anger although i try to change i am afraid i will forever roll that boulder i did everything right i made the grade i put in hard, hard work and to no one's surprise it was a lie it never mattered - relax, relax be still this too shall pass shall pass, until - yes i worry about it always the slick wings the blue jeans the pyrotechnic parties yes i worry about it always my tentative old age watery graves the time that i waste yes i worry about it always yes i - need to feel like a real fucking person with plans and desires but everything's all money, time, attention and i cannot tell the difference between what i enjoy and what i do just for the sake of saying that i've done it who's to blame in this stupid little game we play? even those who win right now are gonna feel the loss some day oh, what a shame but i can't wait yes i worry about it always yes i worry about it

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released July 14, 2023

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Jess Harkness Beach Haven, New Jersey

Singer, songwriter, and multi-instrumentalist based in New Jersey, USA.

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